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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27648845">balance</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceandawn/pseuds/oceandawn'>oceandawn</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>in another life [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>EastEnders (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Continuation, Hurt/Comfort, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:42:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,232</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27648845</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceandawn/pseuds/oceandawn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>callum feels knocked off his feet, almost literally. ben just wants him to come home, and when he does, it's not the callum he knows, barely together.</p><p>they'll be fine. they always are because thankfully, somehow, they always balance each other.</p><p>or; canon continuation/fix-it for the 19/11/2020 episode</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>in another life [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1924921</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>109</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>balance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this fic is just an excuse for me to write hurt/comfort because the show can't do it right now and for me to have ben reference past scenes because we all know he's a big softie really</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Ben's on edge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The job went well. He got out. Kush didn't but that's not his problem to worry about. He'll keep his mouth shut if he knows what's good for him, and that's </span>
  <em>
    <span>if</span>
  </em>
  <span> he manages to escape whatever mess he's in beyond these four walls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He's back home. Phil isn't here, still at the Vic talking with Sharon and giving himself a bunch of cards to play with. Ben was there long enough, making small conversation, but he couldn't help checking his phone again and again, hoping.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No Callum, nothing since he sent the text to get out. He's probably still on the job, working late because of the mess they've made of the job — or the mess he refuses to call his own — and he won't get home until late.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben sits on the sofa, TV muted with subtitles because he doesn't really want to watch the evening news when he wants to walk back out that door and find Callum.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knows he's alright. Surely, he has to be. It's Callum, and Ben is more sure than anyone that he can get through whatever that job is putting him through.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then Phil walks in an hour later, Ben struck from staring at his phone as the blind rattles in the kitchen. He prays it's Callum, but the rough, deep voice followed by a sigh is a giveaway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He just gives Ben a nod, enough said for today. Once midnight strikes in a few minutes, yesterday will be history, but Ben's still stuck in that yesterday until Callum comes home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Home. Still feels strange to think and say that, that what they share here in this house is what family is, and that Callum is family.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So why does it still feel like there's some sort of ridge between them? A home isn't a home if it's not four walls, foundations. Ben doesn't feel the ground is stable beneath his feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's twenty minutes into a new day before a click sounds. Ben stops biting the nail of his right thumb as he hears two brushed steps across the floor, a key placed on the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben thinks he should wait, but his heart jumps and so does he, making his way to the kitchen, hands against the doorframe and coming to a stop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's Callum, looking lost, the colour gone from his eyes. He sniffs, wiping his wrist against his nose, one shoulder falling so his work bag slides to the floor with a thump.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben takes a few steps forward, cautious, about to reach out to him when Callum meets him there anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes are drawn to it, the red, the bruising, the way he tries to brush against it to stop Ben from seeing it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum's too late, noticing how the shadow of Ben's jaw deepens, fingers pushed into his palm, a breath forced through his nose to stop the forge from building any fire.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What's that about?" He asks, and Callum looks away, mumbling a quick </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing, </span>
  </em>
  <span>trying to sidestep Ben and head to the doorway, but there's a firm hand on his chest, blue eyes looking back at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum shakes his head again, inhaling a breath that feels tight in his throat. He doesn't need this now, he can't explain himself now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Who did this?" Ben presses his thumb near the cut, tenderly moving it across and under, a spark of anger curling into his other hand as he grips Callum's shirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could've been more hurt. Like before. Before can always happen again, and it haunts him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Besides, it's not just that, either. Any harm to come Callum's way is something Ben doesn't want, and his teeth grind with the anger, feet already tensing, preparing to turn him out that door and find the person that did this as soon as Callum so much as whispers a name.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But that won't happen. Not tonight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not when Callum places his hand against Ben's on his cheek, brushing his thumb over the back of his hand and he leans into that touch. Callum just wants to be home, to be with Ben.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It don't hurt," he says, barely words, riddled with sleep and the rough texture of his throat. "I'll be fine."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You ain't gonna' tell me, are you?" Ben won't change the subject, even as Callum moves away, running his tongue across the cut because the sting helps numb everything else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Leave it, Ben," Callum wants to push past, but Ben remains firm, hand moving to his cheek again to try and settle the flames a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey, </span>
  <em>
    <span>hey—" </span>
  </em>
  <span>and Callum follows, still again because there's no energy for him to move forward. "Alright. I won't ask again."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And for a moment, Callum breathes a sigh of relief, eyes closed as Ben runs his fingers down his cheek, then down the side of his neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'll ask again tomorrow," Ben speaks up again, and Callum groans, shuffling on his feet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time, Ben clings to his shirt and laughs a little, that sound prompting a smile to break out on Callum's lips. Only, it's short lived, hissing in pain when the smile stretches too far.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It flicks the switch even more inside Ben, the anger, that someone out there punched his boyfriend and rendered him unable to smile. It seems drastic, but there's no Ben without the drastic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It was Kush, alright?" Callum doesn't see his expression change, but he feels Ben's fist tighten, pulling on the fabric of his shirt even more. "Wanted to make it look real. He couldn't exactly give me a pat on the shoulder."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I would've preferred that. It's his own fault for thinking he could get the extra car, not yours," Ben grits his teeth as his thumb brushes near the cut again, pressing his own lips together in annoyance. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Well. Kush seems to be in a pickle anyway right now. And he doesn't care about that either when Callum's here in his soft, after work clothes and barely able to lift his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum was there for him through the last few months, and he was lovely, so Ben will be here for him now through the nightmare that seems to be his job. Ben made it even more of a nightmare, but Callum is aware that there's no Ben without this, the cars and the money, the dark and dangerous. He's in love with Ben, and that means all of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben will love all of Callum too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"C'mon, hero," Ben pops his chin to the side, gesturing to the table. "I'll clean you up."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum looks a little shocked, pausing for a moment, and Ben's about to laugh and say something a little flirty, but then Callum's laughing, lighthearted. It's a quiet laugh, but it blooms that love in Ben all the same.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Makes a change," Callum says, pushing his hand against his face and hoping the exhaustion he feels will wipe away with it. Ben just clicks his tongue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oi. You can do it yourself if you want," Ben replies, a small smile present, and that was entirely a joke because he's not giving Callum a choice to say yes to that, pulling where he has grip on Callum's shirt, gentle as he holds his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum tries to smile but can't, about to press his fingers to his lips when Ben takes his hand, stopping him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gives a glance towards Ben, and Ben winks in his </span>
  <em>
    <span>we'll be okay </span>
  </em>
  <span>type of way, and Callum feels his cheeks grow hot, blushing a little as he slumps down into the chair Ben pulls out for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As soon as Ben lets go of his shirt, Callum's chest feels hollow, his right arm resting on the table as he watches Ben walk to where Callum knows there's a first aid kit. He's looked for it enough times when Ben's come home with cuts and bruises.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Phil home?" Callum asks, gaining a short look over his shoulder from Ben before he replies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why? Thinkin' of something, are we?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum huffs, "Not that. I mean— did you—"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah," Ben knows what he meant the first time. He just wants to lift the thunder from the room, to lift it from Callum's shoulders mostly. "We did."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Okay," Callum taps his fingers against the wood, eyes towards the floor until he hears Ben moving back to him, and then they fly up to meet him and that smirk of a smile. "What?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Bit disappointed you ain't thinkin' about that, though," Ben hitches his leg up to sit on the table, giving himself a bit of height so he can clean the cut easily. "Job went well. Calls for celebration."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum ignores him, shaking his head as Ben finds it amusing, watching the tips of Callum's ears go red. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I wouldn't call that going well," replies Callum, lifting the arm he was resting on the table, settling his hand against Ben's back. His pinky finger moves under his shirt where it rides up, moving it in small circles. Ben's frown seems to loosen at that, forehead no longer wrinkled from where he was holding his anger. "Unless you got the best car."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sure did," Ben smiles his way, opening the kit on his knee, "Little closer for me?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum shuffles forward on his seat, keeping his hand on Ben's lower back. He's missed him, they both miss each other terribly when they aren't together. Who would've thought the lone wolf Ben would become so entwined with another soul as much as he is now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben muffles </span>
  <em>
    <span>that's it </span>
  </em>
  <span>as he leans his head to the side, frowning again as he concentrates, wiping at the blood that's dried on Callum's chin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum can't take his eyes off him, how silent he is, how careful he is when he knows those hands are the instruments of so much wildfire. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Stop that look," Ben smirks, glancing at him for a second, and Callum feels his breath catch. He didn't mean to look whatever way he did. "I'll think you're in love with me, or something."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There's knots in Callum's chest that loosen, fall limp as he's reminded of that. They </span>
  <em>
    <span>do </span>
  </em>
  <span>love each other, and yet Callum hasn't been showing it, hasn't been putting trust in that love to tell him what's been going on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That'd be nice, wouldn't it?" Callum says, not sure why he does.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'd be damn well lucky, that's for sure," Ben sits back as he turns over the wipe, making sure it's clean before leaning back in again. Callum's touch moves entirely under his shirt, warm and grounding, saying the words he feels that he's too much of a coward to say right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Lucky?" Callum asks, flinching when Ben presses a little too hard. He whispers a quick </span>
  <em>
    <span>sorrysorry </span>
  </em>
  <span>before kissing Callum's temple, waiting for the sting to soothe before nuzzling his nose against his cheek. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It feels so good just to be near Callum, especially when his adrenaline has been running high all day and now he can just relax, breathe, be warm with the one that loves him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I still can't believe you do," Ben runs his fingers up the back of his hair as Callum tips his chin up to look at him. He smiles, sharing the same warmth as the sun as it sets every day. Warm. Promising.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I can't believe any of this, sometimes," Callum's thumb brushes over a bump on Ben's spine. "Feels like someone could pinch me and I'll wake up."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Or punch," Ben's smirk grows as Callum glares at him, pinching the skin of his back and making Ben giggle as he promises he won't tease about that again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At least Ben isn't so tense, not so set on revenge. Callum believes it's still there, hiding and waiting, a vicious and hungry reputation that always keeps its kingly title.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For now, he'll enjoy this moment, the seconds, because Callum knows that tomorrow will bring more dread, more work, more time away from Ben and his wish of just being happy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben resumes cleaning the cut, dabbing gently at his lip, Ben sticking his tongue out at one point as he concentrates. Callum finds it cute.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Just realised," Ben says, turning to grab a dry cloth and dab at his lip again. "I got a plan to whisk you away to a 5 star hotel."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah?" Callum wants to ask if they can go now, to run away for a little while until Thompson forgets he exists.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah," Ben smiles, screwing up the wipe and the tissue together, throwing them into the bin miraculously. He doesn't want to move, Callum's hand being too warm, too grounding. "What do you say?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'll pack my bags," Callum wants to lean on Ben, fall into his chest and have Ben hold him, to tell him they'll leave right now and he doesn't have to put on another brave face tomorrow. "But for real? You'd wanna' do that? Not— spend it on something else?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Cal, I wanna' spend it on you, on </span>
  <em>
    <span>us. </span>
  </em>
  <span>The world's been crazy and awful for too long and it— it's shit, right? Just want to shut it out for a bit, expensive linen, nice food, good booze," he bobs his head from side to side, listing off the things he's thinking about, the hotel he's picturing in his head. "Handsome thing on my arm, maybe a few cuddles past acceptable social hours when we should be at our jobs, not a hotel that'll have staff turning their nose up at us like </span>
  <em>
    <span>how did they afford this place!"</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum laughs, and his head feels heavy, the cut soothed a little more than before. The easy feeling in his chest makes him move on his own accord, leaning into Ben, forehead colliding with his chest, fringe brushing Ben's chin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ugh. Can we go now?" Callum complains, hand moving round to Ben's side, pulling him closer as his other hand sits on his knee, brushing up towards Ben's thigh in a comforting way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben closes his eyes, tilting his head to breathe Callum in, kissing the top of his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Maybe next week," he replies, and Callum tenses against him. That's not good. "Why so eager? Can't wait to get me alone without father dearest rooms away?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Shut it," laughs Callum. "No— it's just I'm a bit— </span>
  <em>
    <span>tired </span>
  </em>
  <span>of work. Tired of everything, really. The only thing I know I want right now is you," Callum turns his head, nuzzling into his chest until he just remains there, settled, safe as Ben brings his arms around his shoulders. "Don't wanna' deal with it, don't wanna' be who I have to be in that job. I want to be who I am with you— I'm happiest when I'm that person."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben smiles, and Callum feels it against his scalp.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know," whispers Ben, feeling Callum's voice as well as hearing it muffled against against his chest. "I can say the same. That's how it feels sometimes, for me. You're always better as words."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum grits his teeth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Not when it matters," admits Callum, Ben having no idea of the truth behind it. Ben believes otherwise, anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's a lie. I remember blurting out my undying love for you the night before your birthday because of you, and you even had your eyes closed so you couldn't see your gifts— </span>
  <em>
    <span>and still </span>
  </em>
  <span>gave me that— I don't wanna' call it a speech, but it was something, and it meant a lot. So yeah, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>are </span>
  </em>
  <span>good with words, comes easy to a good person," Ben brushes his thumb against Callum's cheek again, content to stay like this forever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ain't always one."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You are to me," soothes Ben, resting his cheek against Callum's head. "So, will you?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hotel?" Asks Callum. Ben hums. "Yeah. I want to."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Good," Ben yawns, tired, but he doesn't want to move. Why the hell has no one invented teleportation yet? "Next week, then?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum swallows around his words, hard to digest, "Not this week?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben pauses, taking a deep breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Something's wrong, ain't it?" Asks Ben.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No, it's just like I said. Nothing else," Callum shifts, almost wanting to pull away, but Ben squeezes him and he stays. Callum brushes his hand against the side of Ben's ribs, almost an apology for trying to dodge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Callum," starts Ben. "This job— are you sure it's what you want?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now Callum really </span>
  <em>
    <span>does</span>
  </em>
  <span> want to pull away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We've talked about this, Ben," Callum manages to duck his head, moving from his grasp even though his bones ache to tell him. He still hasn't figured this out, hasn't figured out the safe option.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben is relieved he hasn't moved too far, still slumped on the chair, head down, fingertips moving in ghostly circles on Ben's lower back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know— but, is it turning out how you thought?" Ben shrugs, making it a harmless question. Callum's movements pause, absorbing the words, looking to Ben as he continues. "Is it what you wanted it to be?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It comes to Callum as easy as that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Callum keeps his eyes on Ben's, gaze strong but hollow, almost pleading. It'd be so much easier if Ben could just— </span>
  <em>
    <span>rip </span>
  </em>
  <span>the truth out of him instead of having it tucked away like tar in the back of his throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben's right. It's not what he thought it'd be. He's got it all wrong. The only people he's helping are the wrong ones, the ones using him to their advantage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum feels himself break, taking a deep breath as Ben cups his jaw.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No cut lip is worth that," says Ben, smiling softly as Callum remains focused on him. "Trust me. I've had my fair share."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum does smile at that, aware that Ben is trying to lift the mood once more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben's telling him that trying to prove his past self right isn't worth what he's going through right now. Hell, the world has changed a lot since he said he wanted this to begin with, over a year now, and a year can change someone's perspective on things more than anyone realises.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Can we— um," Callum plays with the hem of Ben's shirt, his other hand moving again over his skin. "Can we book the hotel? Tomorrow morning? Leave in a week like you said."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sure. I'd love that," Ben tips Callum's chin to kiss him on the lips, soft, barely there not to disturb the cut, but it's still enough to send tingles through Callum. Ben hums as he pulls back. "I'll make us some breakfast in the morning since you did it last time. Yeah? I'll even do your— </span>
  <em>
    <span>weird smiley egg thing."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>'It ain't weird," mumbles Callum, standing up, not being able to resist another kiss from Ben as he meets him at practically the same height. "Mm, you loved it last time. Admit it."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah," Ben scrunches his nose. "It was cute."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum hums, taking his hand, Ben slipping from the table with his eyes on Callum as he leads him down the hall. He needs a warm bed and arms around him more than anything right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So they do, and Callum falls asleep against Ben's shoulder, duvet up to their noses, soft and whole and </span>
  <em>
    <span>them — </span>
  </em>
  <span>and that's all it needs to be for now.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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